In September of 2015 my daughter called to share some life changing news. She said, “hi dad”! I immediately sensed concern and fear in her voice. Even though my daughter is 41 years old and leading her own life rather successfully, the father instinct within me to be there to take care of her was shattered by what she had to tell me. “Dad I found lumps in my breast that were not there two months ago. I am going to the doctor for a biopsy to determine if this may be cancer.” The now possible threat to her life and everything we have shared together was very humbling to me and the thoughts I had that I should be able to fix it.
Every empathetic connection I had with her became intensely focused to tell me what she was experiencing. Disbelief, denial, and anger were her emotional reactions to the unwanted thoughts of what her future could be. Her perception of life had just changed as this was a possible threat to the very core of her physical being. I seemed to sense the same sensations of emotional energy moving through my body and I wanted to scream, No! No! No! Suddenly a portion of the father identity I was attached to for so many years was also threatened. Yet I was still not willing to give in. On auto reaction I heard my thoughts, “She has too much to give to the world. Why would her path be interrupted with such an ugly potential? This is not fair! There has to be some miracle I can find!” As most parents might relate, I was taking ownership for her challenge. A lot of questions came to my mind with a desperate desire for answers. I began to adopt these mental, emotional, and physical responses as if her physical health was my own physical reality. A lot of confusion remained for me to resolve and I was determined to do so.
I have an attachment to her and our special, loving, connection. She is my daughter. She is my possession in this life. I helped create her, teach her, and nourish her to adulthood. Now this beautiful relationship could be forced to change with the threat of cancer. At the very least this could change our perspective of life and how we have learned to relate to each other. Why should we have to anticipate a more unpleasant way of living? Fear was prevalent! I did not like the change being forced on her. As I resisted this my reaction was a desire to control or prevent any unpleasant outcome.
Then I began to reflect on the truth of this. I have been teaching Metaphysics for 13 years and I have direct experience with purposefully changing my thoughts to cause disease to go away. I have studied and gained a firm knowing that our thoughts cause our experiences, including dis-ease. Through this learning I have gained the spiritual awareness that there is a higher purpose for her illness, higher than my desire to save her and our relationship as we know it. I then realized my initial reaction came from my attachment to preserving the comfortable, bonded relationship we had created together. At the same time I was experiencing the voice of my inner knowing say, “I must surrender to the truth.” I was reluctant to look at or accept her circumstances from a higher existence. I did not like that choice. I certainly did not want to admit the fact that my daughter may have a life threatening disease. I could feel her emotions as if they were mine. Yet my inner awareness reminded me that as I identify with my soul’s perspective this is actually a neutral experience for her learning and soul growth.
I needed to surrender my identity, my ego attachment to possessing her. This was her lesson to learn, as much as I hated it. Surrendering my need to hold on to my identity as dad with the need to protect her, I began to accept that higher relationship with her. I was gaining a spiritual perspective learning what it is to share compassion, even unconditional love between two souls.
This is the reality I have been awakening to for years. I have come to realize there is a greater purpose for our existence than just the physical life we participate in. We learn to accept one another, to remove our separateness and judgements, to know connectedness and the unconditional love needed to support each others soul growth. In this I have come to realize there is a greater love I can have for my daughter as a soul, both of us supporting each other on our journey together.
This is not a religious perspective I have cultivated, but one I have developed, awakening to being more expanded in my consciousness. I am aware of my origin and my purpose for being here. I have expanded my conscious awareness to know I am a soul first, living in this body and directing my brain. I know my daughter too is a soul and her soul’s purpose for being here is different from mine, except like me, she is here to learn, grow and evolve herself. Our souls are here to aid each other. My surrender is releasing my physical attachment to possessing her so we may receive a higher existence together.
There is only one perspective to honor, the soul’s. This spiritual image of my soul and my true existence doesn’t remove the pain and suffering. But it places me in a frame of mind to understand the learning to be had. This understanding neutralizes the pain and I am grateful for the growth.